My New Balance

I wish I was referring to awesome new running shoes that I used to… you know… RUN.

Nope, I’m referring to the fact that DAMN it’s hard to balance stuff in life.

So, I’m really sucking it up at eating healthy lately.  I get so discouraged!!!!!  It’s not easy to eat all this fresh/natural/good-for-you food if you also happen to have a) a job b) a kid c) a pessimistic attitude???

I do good for a week, but find that that is about as long as I can go.  By Friday, I’m literally out of the good food, I’ve not cleaned the house, washed clothes, or fed Jonah anything other than hotdogs.  If I use all my time up making things I like, then I find I can’t spend the same time making him things he likes (a hard boiled egg with celery sticks don’t count as a meal to Jonah).  So by Friday, it’s time for takeout, that usually can be eaten the next day, then I do something on the weekend, eat out, or something, and I’m all screwed up again until Tuesday.

The house of cards comes crashing down and I’m back to gnawing on butter sticks after Jonah goes to be.  (no, not really).

I’ve still been exercising my three day a week goal, however, so I suppose I’ll just have to take things one step at a time and be patient.

In Other Freaking Awesome News:

Jonah pooped on the potty.  Or, “I poop – ED” as he likes to say it.  He’s been doing GREAT peeing in the potty, and I’ve learned a few really cool things about him.  Like his mother, the more you push, the more pissed off he gets.  After two days of me setting a timer to remind him to potty (I thought it would be better than me nagging at him), he started acting really anxious.  I stopped all pushing of that issue, and he told me when he needed to potty.  It took a few times, but the more I backed off, the more he took the reins.  I’d been telling him (this may be TMI, but whatever) that he would soon poop in the potty.  “No way” he said, and laughed.  He pooped his pants once, and after showing him that if he pooped IN the potty he could then pee all over his poop, he was STOKED!  (Little boys:  I SOOOO get your logic!)

The next day, I was showering and he was standing outside the shower curtain whining at me for being in the shower.  He finally wandered away, but he kept coming back into the bathroom.  I thought he was just coming in to glare at me. He didn’t have any underwear or pants on, another thing he was mad at me for.

Then, he made the “AHA!” sound he makes when he finds something he has lost, he pointed at the potty and he said “POOP IN THERE!”

Needless to say, I jumped right out of the shower to share in his excitement, and seriously, he was SO PROUD of himself!  We called daddy to tell him, and as I was dialing, I asked Jonah what daddy was going to say.  “That’s awesome” said Jonah.  Jonah told daddy that “I poop-ED in potty” and Dusty’s response was “Jonah, that’s awesome!”  Jonah gave me the biggest grin, I seriously cried.  Yeah, he was proud of himself for pooping, but he was also so proud for knowing the exact phrase his dad would say.  It was seriously great.

I haven’t pushed him at all since then.  He’ll do it, stupid mommy.  And then he will grin the size of the ocean.

 

Explanation

My website got about 4 hits yesterday.  Yep, that’s how I roll.

If you saw my blackout protest message, I think I owe you an explanation.  Depending on the amount of time you spend online, which is really the only place this took place, you may or may not know what it was all about.  If you do know what it was all about and you get your news from major news sources, then you were led to believe that this “small minority” of tech geeks were opposed to this SOPA/PIPA bill thing.  You may have thought it was over your head, or something really small and not worthy of your attention.

That is what your media wants you to believe.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist.  I’m not hiding under my bed screaming at you that your government is trying to do you harm.  And yet……  I think that as a benefactor of all the things the internet and the “free exchange of ideas” has done for you, whether or not you realize it, you owe society the time it takes to educate yourself about where the current battleground is, where the next fight will be fought, and how your children are doing AMAZING things online.  These people understand the difference between “stealing movies” and “the free exchange of ideas.”  No one is supporting pirating content.  Remember that, when you hear the news.  That is NOT what this is about.  We are protesting because your freedom to look at information, whatever information you want, without government censorship, was at stake.  No one is trying to protect someone’s right to steal content.  I cannot say that in enough ways.

You may not be impressed.  However, there are a few of us whose breath was taken away yesterday.

This is an email I received from FightForTheFuture.org, and it expresses what I am saying wonderfully.  Here is the email.  I urge you to click on their links, educate yourself.

The revolution will not be televised, folks.

Today was nuts, right?

Google launched a petition.  Wikipedia voted to shut itself off.  Senators’ websites went down just from the sheer surge of voters trying to write them.   NYC and SF geeks had protests that packed city blocks.

You made history today: nothing like this has ever happened before.  Tech companies and users teamed up.  Tens of millions of people who make the internet what it is joined together to defend their freedoms.  The free network defended itself.  Whatever you call it, the bottom line is clear: from today forward, it will be much harder to mess up the internet.

The really crazy part?  We might even win.

Approaching Monday’s crucial Senate vote there are now 35 Senators publicly opposing PIPA.  Last week there were 5.   And it just takes just 41 solid “no” votes to permanently stall PIPA (and SOPA) in the Senate.  What seemed like miles away a few weeks ago is now within reach.

But don’t trust predictions.  The forces behind SOPA & PIPA (mostly movie companies) can make small changes to these bills until they know they have the votes to pass.  Members of Congress know SOPA & PIPA are unpopular, but they don’t understand why–so they’re easily duped by superficial changes.  The Senate returns next week, and the next few days are critical.  Here are two things to think about:

1. Plan on calling your Senator every day next week.  Pick up the phone each morning and call your Senators’ offices, until they vote “no” on cloture.  If your site participated today, consider running a “Call the Senate” link all next week.

2. Tomorrow, drop in at your Senators’ district offices.  We don’t have a cool map widget to show you the offices nearest you (we’re too exhausted! any takers?).  So do it the old fashioned way: use Google, or the phonebook to find the address, and just walk in, say you oppose PIPA, and urge the Senator to vote “no” on cloture.  These drop-in visits make our spectacular online protests more tangible and credible.

That’s it for now. Be proud and stay on it!

–Holmes, Tiffiniy, and the whole Fight for the Future team.

___

P.S. Huge credit goes to participants in the 11/16 American Censorship Day protest: Mozilla, 4chan, BoingBoing, Tumblr, TGWTG, and thousands of others.  That’s what got this ball rolling!  Reddit, both the community and the team behind it, you’re amazing.  And of course, thanks to the Wikimedians whose patient and inexorable pursuit of the right answer brought them to take world-changing action. Thanks to David S, David K, Cory D, and E Stark for bold action at critical times.

P.P.S. If you haven’t already, show this video to as many people as you can. It works! http://fightforthefuture.org/pipa/

PEE TEET!

There ain’t nothin’ more exciting than a pee teet, folks!  For anyone!

We are working on some casual potty training over here, and let me just tell you, my child will do anything for a teet!

We had an incredible day.  He wore big boy underwear all morning, all the way to Sarah’s house, and all evening at Sarah’s.  Eventually he had a few mistakes, but we were partying it up over there, so I am thrilled he did so good.  Also, I am more psychic than I thought.  I finally decided to put his diaper on, and two seconds later he was pooping in it!  Viola!

Two great stories from today:

1) The cutest poop story ever goes a little something like this:  So Jonah likes to poop in private.  He’ll be hanging out, then he is conspicuously racing down the back hall screaming “NO! GO AWAY!”  We all know what that means.  So, tonight he couldn’t figure out where to go.  He was at someone else’s house, and there were people in every room.  He was literally running in circles.  I made a few suggestions, but he finally opted to sit on the stairs leading to the back door.  He had been there a second, then he came back in, called me in Thomas’s room, said “I need book” asked me “this one open?” (cuz’ he likes books with the little flaps).  I said “yes.”  He grabbed it, headed for the back stairs, then sat on the back stairs for about 10 minutes until he was done.

????

This is engrained in men?  They are born doing this?

2) We were eating cake cuz’ it was Grandma Suzie’s B-day.  Thomas had chosen the cake with the bright neon, 2-inch thick frosting, of course!  Jonah likes food.  He isn’t as big of a pig as he used to be, but it’s still quite hilarious.  So, he’s eating his dessert, and we realize he had picked up the frosting off the entire side of his cake.  It was an entire fist full!  We all started making noises like “Jonah, don’t!!!”  He proceeded, in slow motion, to look at us, grin from ear to ear, then seductively shove the entire fist full of frosting in his mouth.  I guess it was a “had to be there” kind of a thing.  It’s not funny when a five year old does this, but when your two year old gets the dare, and does it, and loves it, it’s freaking funny.

Needless to say, we had to spend quite a bit of time winding down before he nestled into bed telling me “Tomorrow I play toys.  I play castle.  I watch show.”

You can, bud.  I promise you can.

” .. and roar bones.”

 

The Gym

I’m still exercising and tracking my eating very closely.

The negative to getting started is that you are so focused on eating, that all you can think about is eating!  I think about preparing food ALL.THE.TIME.

I’ve met my “at least three days a week” exercise goal, although it has been hard settling on a “normal” exercise schedule.   I’ve really liked going to the gym.

I go to the Central City Rec Center… they have a lot going on there, and they have an open gym that is often in use.  Did you know there is nothing cuter than 6 yr old Jr. Jazz players?  Seriously, they get boys vs. girls games going and I nearly cry just walking through there.  So. Stinking. Cute.  Sometimes you see just a couple boys in there throwing around the ball.  The smells! The squeaking of sneakers on polished wood! Talk about a blast from the past.

Fond memories of hanging with my dad and Amber Smith in those early gym days come to mind.   How we laughed and how silly we must have looked/been.  I probably spent a lot of time trying to steal the ball from Amber and then trying to smash into her, undoubtedly being thrown to the ground every time.  Amber… you giggled no matter which of those I was trying to do, and continued to laugh even if I did the same after leaving the gym.

Maybe that explains why I can hardly get through the gym without tearing up.  I have to get through the gym to change clothes, so most of my workout sessions begin under a strange emotional tone.

Luckily there is usually at least one weird thing going on in the fitness room to make me giggle.  I prefer men talking to weight sets.  I dislike angsty looking overweight teenage boys with glasses moping around the machines.   “It gets better.  People love you.” I try to say to them telepathically. I know they don’t hear me.

I am feeling stronger, and I have lost 3 or 4 pounds.  Not enough to make me look any better, but enough to help me feel like I’m doing something.

Luckily after passing through the gym again on my way out, I also have to walk past the free school lunch/dinner program, the ESL classes, the computer classes.  The moisture from my previous emotions now mostly left smeared throughout the weight room, my perspective is lighter on this side of the workout - I consider volunteering; making a difference.

Psychosomatic Much?

As is the case with me, when I am “into” something, I tend to talk about it a lot.  So, as I am now into “losing weight” mode….  you might want to stop reading my blog.  Really, this is stuff no one cares about.

I have lost like 2 pounds and I feel great!  It’s really strange to me the difference that I feel in my body after one week of eating right and exercising.  I’m not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg here, but I feel that switch being flipped.  Did the switch flip and then make me want to exercise?  OR do I exercise and then the switch flips?  Who knows.

But this is an explanation of the way that I feel.  Because I think it is interesting, is all.  (I know, you don’t. We’ve gone over that).

So, when I am drinking water, eating right, and exercising (only mildly.  I’m not killing myself here) this is how I feel:

a) Not tired.  I stay up at night past bedtime!  I don’t drag myself places.  I feel light on my feet in a way I can’t describe.

b) Thin.  It’s odd.  I feel not bloated, and the main place I feel “thin” is in my hands and my face.  Is that odd?  Do you think that’s a water retention issue?  Like, the fact that I am now drinking water and eating actual nutrients, things are flowing better, thus my hands used to retain water and I didn’t even notice?  My ring fits the same, so I don’t think this is an actual change… it’s a feeling.  When I put my hand to my face, it feels like a different experience.  I know, I’m a total weirdo.  But it’s all true, so I may as well say it out loud.

c) Interested.  This, I have to think, is related to the mood enhancing qualities of exercise.  But, I really feel more interested in my surroundings.  Like, the light is brighter in the room.  Like, I want to find out what would happen to a butternut squash if you decided to boil it down, like you do candy, for hours.  Would the sugars become stronger, making it taste like an actual candy sauce?  I know, it sounds ridiculous (disclaimer, this is not an actual thought, I conjured it up right this very moment.)  But it’s the kind of stuff I think about -  a lot.  Is this just a general feeling of energy?  Maybe.  I search for new homes online.  I make plans.  I connect with people.  I envision cleaning my house.

You know, I read a dooce (yeah, I know) post once (yes, I read them more than once, but this is just in reference to one).  She’s got depression issues, if you didn’t know that (and if you don’t know who she is - a blogger).  Anyway, she was talking about how she had adjusted her meds one time, and after a week or so, called her husband to say “Are you kidding me!?  Is this seriously what you normal people feel like every day?”  She was just so amazed in the difference, she couldn’t believe it.  I kinda feel like that.  It’s much more subtle than that, but kindof obvious to me for the fact that I’ve been real introspective lately about my thoughts/feelings as well as my physical appearance.  So when something changes, it’s like “SOMETHING CHANGED! BY GOD, I’M NOT ACTUALLY BEING HELD IN PLACE BY ANY STRANGE FORCE.  I CAN MOVE, AND CHANGE.  WHO KNEW?”

And then… maybe it’s all just psychosomatic.  I’d put my money on this one, knowing my little brain and parasympathetic nervous system.

If only I could come up with a psychosomatic cure for itchiness, life would really be grand.

Hulk!

Jonah loves Hulk!  LOVES HIM.  Why?  Dunno.  The man makes me quite nervous.  I think Jonah likes him because he’s always allusive; they can never really find him, and then WHAMO! He’s throwing people literally to the moon.  He loves “Fight Shows” and asks to fight us all the time.  He got mad at Dust today because he forgot to take his large monkey, Bob, to Grandma’s.  “But I wrestle with Bob” he explained.  Luckily he then said “Mama has animals.  I wrestle those.”  PHEW!

And, in the nature of all things superhero, I have to say that is how I feel.  There are these weird moments in parenthood.  I remember feeling this at about 16 months as well, when he sortof became a “toddler.”  I mean, he wasn’t a baby, he could walk and do things on his own, and understand nearly everything we said.  I woke up one day and wondered “where did my baby go?” He just went into the booth as a baby and came out as a toddler.

Well, we have been in that stage until the last week.  Lately he is … well… he’s done.  I mean, he understands EVERYTHING now.  He came out as something that GETS it. He spills the beans about other people’s secrets he is so wise.  He asks for everything by it’s real name, like “power ranger” instead of “HeeYAH”.  He thinks before he answers questions.  “Chocolate milk. No… apple juice.  ya’ apple juice.”  He gets puzzled.  I think ALMOST the cutest thing about him is his hands in the air shoulder shrug he’s got going on.  His face gets all scrunched up and he gives you the “WTF?” face.  His voice sounds all weird as he tries to talk while holding his face that way, I LOVE IT!

Plus, last week I was saying things to him like “Jonah, do you remember…..”  Yesterday he asked me.  “That show with fire cage.  You remember?  Mom?  You remember fire cage?”  Yes.  “I want to watch that.”  Then I had to try really hard to remember which fight show had a fire cage in it.

Every night as we are putting Jonah to bed, we say “Jonah, you had a great day today, you got to play with grandma, and you saw Thomas, and now it’s time to lay down and sleep”  So, now, he says that to us when we lay him down.  “Bouncy house and roar bones” he says.  (which is never true.  But he ALWAYS says “bouncy house and roar bones” in that tone we use when trying to get him to relax.)

Here is another cute story:  He was playing with his castle and his dinos the other night before bed.  So, then we told him it was bed time.  We told him to put his dinos to bed.  He laid them all on their side and said “you play in castle” in that tone!  He was saying night-night to the dinos and going over what they had done, and it was totally true!  They had played in the castle!  CUTEST!

He told me that he would pee in the potty every day now if I found power ranger underwear and had power ranger pee-treats.  So.. um… HELP!  I even looked on ebay and they haven’t made that since the mid 90′s.  Stupid Netflix.  So, anyone know how to sew?  I’ll find the fabric, you make me about 6 pairs of power ranger undies for a stinking skinny little butt, or ONE OF US might DIE!

Anyway, he has turned into something older than a toddler recently, is my point.

My New Job!!!!!

I have found a new job!  This job consists of me spending more time trying to find things, particularly homes, that Dust and I can win.  That’s right, professional sweepstakes enterer.

It doesn’t really pay well along the road, until the end…  and won’t we all be happy then?

As the new year rushes in, we are faced again with our yearly goal of “getting out of this house.”  Something that is very difficult for us for many reasons.

I cannot describe why we love our house and where we live.  Really, my complaints come from that place that we all have for “hating home.”  We are not stuck here, we make the conscious choice, each and everytime it comes around, to remain here.  I know I complain about it, but that’s out of something other than actually wanting to move.

BUT…  it’s small.  This is my main complaint, and not a very valid one at that.  And while we want desperately a home better suited for a family (like one where people don’t have to enter our bedroom to go to the bathroom), we just can’t come to terms with where that house would be.

And so… each and every element of this little predicament goes away if we WIN the house for FREE!

If you think about it, everything is riding on this little “job of mine.”  I know that others have been entering contests for years, but I really haven’t been the type.  However, did you know this year’s HGTV Dream Home is in Woodland?  That, my friends, would SOLVE EVERYTHING! (Not that I want to live in Woodland, but really, the house is FREE, and it’s better than moving to Santa Fe where one of the last dream homes were).

So could you cross some fingers for me?  Oh, and if you previously didn’t know you could still enter the HGTV Dream Home contest, will you please just forget I said anything?  Really, I need this more than you.  YOU can make decisions in your own life, I cannot.  For that, you really owe me one.  Don’t enter.

 

This Just Might Work

So, I really like “My fitness pal” on dust’s phone (plus it is online, which works better).  So far, my goal NET calories for the day is 1200.  So, if I eat 1700 and exercise 500, that’s supposedly hitting my goal.  HOWEVER…  I like to undershoot this by about 200 on the days where I don’t exercise.  This leaves my net at 1000.  Since I don’t exercise a ton on most days,  that isn’t very many calories!  Also, no carbonation (this is so that coffee can stay in my diet), although I’ve added a lot of green tea and water.

I have found a few simple things that help make all of this possible:

1) Do NOT eat pork sausage for breakfast no matter how good it looks.  Making breakfast the largest meal of the day is nice and all, but that shouldn’t be done in sausage.

2) Save the last 200 – 300  calories as long as you can, then drink as much wine as you want after the sun sets!  Dust bought us a wine book where we are taking notes lately, so really this is a HUGE win-win-win!

 

 

Two Days IN

Lock – Purchased and combo memorized

Almond Butter and Soy Milk – Purchased

Monthly pass to an institution of physical fitness – purchased

Attendance made mandatory at said institution Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday – I’m 2 and 0 thus far (meaning I went Thurs and Sat)

“My Fitness Pal” on Dust’s iPhone – calibrated

I’m so serious.  Today is fat pictures day!

—

Update:  I need some sort of “calorie expenditure” quote on the activity of “chasing children around” any ideas?

Also, Fat pictures TAKEN and AWESOME!  Now THAT’s somethin’ I’m proud of.

12 Weeks

I have given myself 12 weeks.

I am serious, and it’s not a new year’s resolution.  It’s last year’s resolution, which is an entirely different thing.  A sad sad thing. No one tell me what year it is until 12 weeks from now, please and thank you.

I think in 12 weeks I can lose 15 lbs.  And, since I will be doing it via strength training, that 15 is gonna look like 30 and feel like 50 (and also feel like 5 years, right?)  That’s all I need to take off, 15 lbs and 5 years. And if the 15 don’t fall off, what the hell ever.  I’ll still be eating right, and exercising, and maybe a little less crazy and maybe not look like a hippo wearing jeggings, and also if I choose to punch you in the face it will hurt more in 12 weeks than it would today.

I realize that I have said this thing many times before, like many other things I’ve said (one of which is also “I hate this f*cking cat).  But this time I hope to persuade myself into thinking I am serious by taking a few critical actions:

1) I am starting a “category” on the blog called “My body.”  What?  You don’t think people will click on that category out of sheer fear? Look!  It’s already done!  Look at my progress!

2) I am taking pictures of myself.  I am serious.  There is nothing that motivates me more than seeing a little progress.  I can’t wait to get into my tattered granny underwear and ask Dust to snap some flubber photos! (that is what before pictures have to look like, don’t blame me)

3) I am going to find my ipod and then proceed to load music onto it.  HOWEVER, NOTE TO SELF:  This is NOT REQUIRED to do before you start.  You can’t say “I couldn’t find it” and have that be an excuse.

4) I am going to buy a new lock for a locker to be used in an undisclosed institution of physical fitness.  I like locks like 7th grade girls liked Trapper Keepers, and I have about as many locks as failed attempts at better physical health.  I buy one every time I do this, and then I proceed to forget the combination.  I hear good physical fitness helps with memory.

5) I will update you about my real progress.  Yes that means you have a lot of me talking about celery, tofu, and ground seeds to look forward to.  HORRAY!

Example of my progress:  Today I have only had two Christmas cookies.  Yes, that is progress, folks.  But I also have eaten 4 small meals, one of which consisted of leftover, dry, cold boiled chicken and pickles, and one consisted of an egg.  Plus, I already have dinner made and it’s called “Butter Bean Soup”.  It sounds so horrible, you know it’s healthy!

I plan on dragging my husband with me on this journey, because if there is something that motivates me, it’s bullying other people into performing.